One of my resolutions this year, maybe I will post the list of resolutions which are currently lying in my head, is to have a life and mix more with people.

People know that I am anti-people, of course no one believes that I am shy with people I do not think are idiots (I happen to think everyone are idiots but hey idiots are lovable and I am idiotic).

Yesterday, there was a company screening of The Family Stone and I did not click the button on the e-mail they sent out. However, the very lovable senior Rahs managed to secure a ticket for me from someone else who did not want to go so off I was, trying desperately to find people to sit with. At 5, I was out of the door, running for the bus alongside, Jac, Wen and Swet (sounds familiar Missy Teo?) to Suntec. The run paid off for we were first in the theatre having first dibs on seats and I ended up sharing a lovers’ seat with Wen (very cosy).

The movie. What can I say about the movie? I know plenty of people like it. I did not like it. At all. Made me sick to the stomach. I think I sat very still because I did not want to disturb Wen. Though the lovers’ seat are tres comfortable and perfect for nua-ing. I had to prop my feet up, it was too tempting. No wonder people pay good money to sit there.

Popcorn was dinner, my favourite kind of dinner. Been a long long time since I ate like that. Sometimes I really truly wonder where the old me had gone, is the now me new and improved, or just very very sad and a fool.

The girls wanted to go to Bala and I joined them. It was fully filled at 8, full of posers and sharks (as Terence puts it). It was one of those girls night out drinks thing which I enjoyed though I never really talk much because I never know what to say. There was a tad bit excitement when we were there.

There is a company party tomorrow somewhere, I have no idea where it is.

My partying spirit has been dampered by that ghost. I keep on looking behind my shoulder, afraid he is just standing there in the distance, in smoky places. I know I said in xanga that I would not talk about him anymore. Just when I was managing fine, his insensitiveness highness pops up. ‘Do not think about it.’ ‘Do not think about him.’ Whispers of these run around my head, from my friends and everyone else. I walk around in public, tentative and so afraid that in every nook and cranny he would be there and I would be caught un awared, and tethering. My heart is filled with regret for ever even having taken the first look at him. People say with time every thing will heal, but how long before I will not being restless again? The nights which I fall asleep with much difficulty and hollowness have returned with a vengence. Tossing and turning beneath the covers again. I was reading Allure last night and one of the articles was on the best revenge is to be beautiful. I think I look fine. I think I can look terrific. But will it really work? I could be the most beautiful girl on earth and if I ever had an encounter with him, he would make me feel like crap. He always had the upper hand. It should not matter but it does. I cannot get back all the time wasted but I can block them as though I spent those years in a coma. People ask me why should it matter, why should he matter? He does not matter. If he is dead, he will not matter. Do not haunt me. You have polluted my soul, please go away and do not corrupt me anymore, I do not want you to touch me in any way, be it by accident or on purpose.