I cannot do this anymore. I really cannot. This is ridiculous. I am not cut out for it. No excuses. I just cannot do it.

Is it okay to quit one’s job without having acquired a new one under your belt?

I am angry at myself. Not at anyone else but myself. For being so bloody lazy after uni. To just fall into any job that will take me.

I am pissed at myself. For not being organised. To let things fall through the cracks. Forgetting people and things. Ignoring things and people. For wanting to be responsible. For taking too much to heart and trying to put everything on my shoulders and falling down.

I dread going to work now. Dread. Like I dreaded going to school on exam day except everyday is exam day. I did not realise it would be like that. I used to be ok with it. Because it was not like school. Full of the heart dropping to the bottom. No studying during weekends. Clear line between work and play.

If something happens again tomorrow, I think I might just burst out.

I am not a very competent person. But I am not that lousy. Perhaps monetary rewards do not matter that much anymore, a peace of mind is more important.