Do you know that ‘Daydream Believer’ is another Monkees’ song? I bet you did not. Anyway it is odd, seems like they ran out of names.

Jia sits behind me now and is my new best work friend (besides the usual suspects). She snacks like me and we share our latest obsession of Japanese titbits. Rice cracker galore. And she does not mind garlic. She shares her dream with me. It is to get married and have a family.

I am not laughing at her. I just want to understand. I want to also understand why I am not like that. Why my day dreams consist of dinner parties, dancing, sun, champagne, food, travelling (without the flying), bags, laughter, going out with the girls, we cannot do this forever can we? Can I name my future dog Jumpy after the snack?

Today I spoke to JH, he is Siew’s Messiah who came down from the 19 or 20 floor to our floor to save her soul. Our floor is hell of course. Or rather, I sted him. I learnt that his dream is to get married and have a child. A boy having that dream too. And he is not trying to pull a fast one to put me off guard. He seriously factors his girlfriend in every other sentence. I am intrigued.

Marriage. Then comes baby in a carriage. Jupes wants a designer baby trolley. We told her to have a baby first. The trolley has to come with a child. That is the pre-requisite.

I am made for different things. Is having a wedding and spawning offpring not a big thing? I am not looking down my nose at their dreams. I wonder whether there is something wrong with me.

I growl. I do not want to look pretty. Of course I want to look pretty but I also want to dress like a elf, Pocahontas, an overgrown child, weird.

I almost cried at work today again. Almost being the operative word. Siew took my crying quota I think because I just could not cry in the end. Jupes always said this job is not me. But I chose it.