Anyone else link the year to Sienna and Savannah Miller’s Twenty8Twelve clothing line? No? OK, moving on then.

So it’s the third day of 2012, the new year, and I’m holed out at my trusty desk (not corner unfortunately), uncharacteristically in all black, because I’m supposed to be having my period (supposed is the key word here) and I was at 7am hot yoga (I usually pull out dresses for after yoga so sweating is kept to a minimum when I’m commuting to work). So friends, what resolutions do you have for the new year? Swear less (definitely not one of mine)? Exercise more? That’s always one of mine. So join me in disillusion, thinking I could keep these resolutions, at least for three months.

1. Workout at least three times a week.
The key is to be excessive here. So if I can make it to yoga, the gym or for a run five times a week or even every day, I must. Because in a week, I will be pulling an overnighter or just be so godamn lazy that I will be thankful that I tortured myself the week before so I can indulge in Cheetos at my desk.
a) To try rockclimbing (a resolution that I’ve had since 2008)/paddle surfing/dance class
Yes, we have subsets for resolutions, don’t you? I’ll throw in kayaking but that’s something I hope to not just try but do permanently because I’m really bored of yoga. But of course I’m a creature of habit and will keep doing it.
2. Save up to spend on something big.
There’s no point making the resolution to spend wisely or less or save up in general. I will still spend. In 2011, I’ve become extremely reliant on retail therapy but maybe this is the year, I will save up to spend on something worth it – like a Tsumori dress (ha!), or a pair of Repettos (ha!). Or maybe the resolution should be:
b) Decide whether I want quantity or quality
Because I could never decide. I like cheap and expensive. I like trendy that can be bought on a song and classic that costs an arm. And hell, I have bought both. I will really manage to save some money if I can decide on which end of the spectrum and Stick to it.
3. Develop a deaf ear and just walk away from:
i. My mother – this is the year, I will just walk away when she has repeated the same thing 7 times in a row and IGNORE her even if she screams at me. I will not waste any energy screaming or trying to understand her.
ii. Big and small – just because they are not nice people doesn’t mean I have to treat them the same way they treat me. It also doesn’t mean I should go all out to kill them with kindness too. Just say the minimum and do my work.
iii. Random parasites that I dislike – complaints will probably start to come in about a new group of people called the in-laws. Who they? They are “family” you acquire by way of marriage. (As though your own isn’t enough.) Individually and if they’re not related to you, they are great people but when you have to interact with them through no wish of your own, they can be a pain as I am a pain to them. Just ignore them, I hear everyone else say? OK then.
4. Don’t feel bad about anything.
Someone was forgotten on my guest invite list for the wedding/party/dinner I’m planning? Something happened in the worker bee hive? Fine. I will make amends if it was my fault and I have to. But no longer will I take the blame or even say sorry even if I am inclined to, to keep the peace or I feel I should. Unless it is truly my responsibility if not, I will not apologise any more. This resolution is also known as “I won’t let people step over me/Stop being a pushover”. Yes, one of the things that piss me off about young people these days is their unwillingness to step up to the plate. But if I can’t beat them, why not join them, instead of picking up their slack?
5. Count my blessings, no matter how small they are – be it MacDs or steak frites. Can’t miss out a food reference.