I would really like to have a party with balloons and fake flowers. Maybe we can have macaroons and chocolate tarts? Some savoury tarts too and fried chicken wings? A ton of crispy potato chips the kettle kind? Fizzy drinks in glass bottles like they do in Bangkok? Someone will bring cupcakes and I will dance to early Fab Four songs. We will blow bubbles and we will play frisbee with my new pink competitive frisbee. I just want a party please!

This is not a new revelation but I just thought I record it down to let the world (yes, the four people that read this) what a heartless little bastard I am. The happiest day of my life was when the Pig died. It was such a huge relief to finally come out of his shadow and be able to just do whatever I want in my life and in my own home. But that also marked the saddest day of my life because the Pig left me his legacy and his fucking wife. I don’t know what else I can say. I really don’t know. I refuse to be a good child and follow the right way it is to maintain whatever little or much he left. It’s like, you know if you walk that way, you will suffer but you still do walk down that road. I don’t know when it was that I developed such a defense mechanism. Whatever they wanted me to do, I just can’t and will do something else to piss them off. For the record, I was a very very very obedient child when I was in school. This is really the truth, despite what the Pig may have thought. I was a very neat child but now my room is like a fucking earthquake zone and I don’t claim it’s a organised mess, it’s just a fucking mess that I can never find anything in it. I refuse to learn anything about investment and to grow my assets because I just don’t want to. Just a stubborn little child that will suffer later. I wonder whether I’m already paying my dues via this crazy bitch.

Hello, I am still here in case you were wondering. It’s just been a mad rush to do abit of everything and nothing much it seems in the end. No exercise has been attempted since I recovered, though I’ve lost weight due to said fever.

I am an official fan girl, buying Jiro Wang’s latest picture book. I never been so obsessed since ………. Leonardo and Daniel Chan in secondary school.

I have my first Lomo camera, hello Diana Mini.

Lately, there has been a mtv style advertisement about Filial Piety that has been running even on cable teevee channels. I use the term advertisement lightly. More like propaganda anyone? Sure, it pulls at one’s heart strings during the three minute long mtv-ish thing that includes a good dose of Hokkien thrown in. Good job, garment, someone’s getting more and more open minded by the day. Now if only we could watch un-dubbed TVB dramas without having to pay anymore premium.

I mean, come on lah. The family in the Filial Piety ad only had to take in the mother when she was like old, white and wrinkly. I don’t mean to be disrespectful but how about those having to live with their parents for all their life. Of course I mean me.

Garment works in wondrous ways. Social security is paid for by yourself, in the form of CPF, so that they don’t have to pay you any pension when you are old. Another load off the garment. Such clever people. Now with the greying population, they are afraid their citizens keep on dumping their elderly parents in home or without aid (hence burdening the social system(if any)). Well, trying to educate them now ain’t such a bad thing but come on, kids these days are so selfish that even their parents can’t teach them about filial piety then again, maybe they learn from example.

I’m sick at home with a 2 days mc. Though I hope to be at work tomorrow already. I always feel really angsty when I’m home sick because I always feel that something will happen at work and there will be trouble.

I’m watching a Get Real ‘documentary’ on CNA about much younger men marrying older women. Also known as the Cougar phenomenon (my term). There’s this married couple, a 37 woman and a 26 year old man. I’m not judging them but when he was speaking about how he was attracted to her, like how she was the epitome of what he wanted his wife to be, all I could concentrate on was how big her boobs are. I mean, that’s why he wanted to hit on her right? They were at least C cups lah!

The bonus of the job is the horde of beauty products that I get to be exposed to, especially those cult brands that I had only seen on the pages of magazines.

Like Malin+Goetz Vitamin B5 Body Moisturiser. This is like my dream moisturiser. Citrus fragrance, lightweight but silky on the skin. Plus the minimalist packaging with the Swede inspired type font is just so Muji-quese, I like! I hope this body lasts me long enough. Yum yum!

I got my medical test back from the doctor’s today. I have high bad cholesterol, apparently I have an abnormal urine test. So what did I do when I opened the letter to discover all this? I started on my MOS burger meal that I tapao-ed home.

I don’t know what comes now, as in, do I have to go back for a test? Damn this HDB medical check up for the loan. As for the cholesterol, I can’t give up fries as much as I want too. The flesh is very unwilling. Or the mind or both.

Well, one thing’s for sure. My pre ‘what happens when you die’ thoughts before I sleep will definitely multiply.

It was the soundtrack of the night. She listened to the song as she made her way down to the club. It was crowded but she was ushered in by her friends. There were drinks, there were loud blaring music but in her head, the words of the song repeated in her head on and on. Relax. And take it easy. Easy went down the drinks, as she poured them one after another down her throat, only when the liquid reached the bottom did she shudder from the sharp taste. Somehow she loosened up and the music became easy to dance to. It was around two when she felt someone’s eyes on her. She turned and they danced together to the music. In another world and time, someone would have taken the other’s hand and rushed out of the club. Maybe something would have happened later in the night or in the early morning. Perhaps she would have fallen under his easy confident charm and also fallen into infatuation. It was left to imagination in the end. She was tapped on the shoulder and the spell was broken.

I have habits. I listen to my song of the moment on the loop round and round only that song hundreds of times before I can’t bear to hear it anymore after. But inspiration is best when you are caught by the heartstrings and you just can’t shake it away.

“Relax (Take It Easy)” – Mika

Took a ride to the end of the line
Where no one ever goes.
Ended up on a broken train with nobody I know.
But the pain and the longing’s the same.
Where the dying
Now I’m lost and I’m screaming for help.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

It’s as if I’m scared.
It’s as if I’m terrified.
It’s as if I scared.
It’s as if I’m playing with fire.
Scared.
It’s as if I’m terrified.
Are you scared?
Are we playing with fire?

Relax
There is an answer to the darkest times.
It’s clear we don’t understand but the last thing on my mind
Is to leave you.
I believe that we’re in this together.
Don’t scream – there are so many roads left.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

(Relax)

It’s as if I’m scared.
It’s as if I’m terrified.
It’s as if I scared.
It’s as if I’m playing with fire.
Relax
It’s as if I’m terrified.
Are you scared?
Are we playing with fire?

Well I did take this picture to Annie (since my Taiwanese boy band 14 dollar dude left the hair place near my house, I am back to J Salon at FEP, I’m not sad but it’s expensive). Of course I look nothing like Mia Wasikowsa. Though Annie tried to make my hair like hers. The baseball caps are back in play of course. Styling is tough especially when I have no flair for it.

Sometimes I forget to count my blessings but when I am reminded of them, I embrace them full heartedly. A shoot with Xin bebe, brings so much laughter to my eyes as she charms everyone in the room including the hair and makeup that has the tendency to be slightly snide and catty. But everyone melts in putty when she’s around. A short scoot about Topshop where I put a new skirt of clubbing and work (the perks of the job) and stuffing our faces with pizza and pasta al fresco.

And a short e-mail that just brings me back to the days when we went to Chinese and Physics tuition together and me watching her piggy back her friend around the track.

‘You know what – I am really proud of you!! From seeing you write stories at school (with your colour pens and on scrapes of papers)…to you now at The Mag Hive, and now to your writing an article for me…I am really happy and proud of you!! (Think I am going to tear, seriously)’

I do love you so much Xin bebe from the bottom of my scroungy little heart.