I’m due to fly to Jakarta later today. I never been there but I can’t wait to see Miss Hartono in a heartbeat. I will be bringing this to read, the Teen Vogue Handbook. Everything you need to get a headstart in the world of fashion.

I brought many dresses, including my new French Connection Marimekko-ish dress. None too formal because I don’t have any formal dresses. This is the first time I am attending a Indonesian wedding and I have no idea how ostentatious they are, though I have heard plenty through the grapevine. I definitely am not able to fit into my JC prom dress, besides it is purple with polka dots. But I did well with the toiletries, taking a leaf from the Japanese way of packing.

Apparently, Jakarta’s nightlife is Legendary. I’ll let you know.

Crochet bicycle basket. 136 smackeroos. Finally in Singapore. So how, brown cow?

It was the soundtrack of the night. She listened to the song as she made her way down to the club. It was crowded but she was ushered in by her friends. There were drinks, there were loud blaring music but in her head, the words of the song repeated in her head on and on. Relax. And take it easy. Easy went down the drinks, as she poured them one after another down her throat, only when the liquid reached the bottom did she shudder from the sharp taste. Somehow she loosened up and the music became easy to dance to. It was around two when she felt someone’s eyes on her. She turned and they danced together to the music. In another world and time, someone would have taken the other’s hand and rushed out of the club. Maybe something would have happened later in the night or in the early morning. Perhaps she would have fallen under his easy confident charm and also fallen into infatuation. It was left to imagination in the end. She was tapped on the shoulder and the spell was broken.

I have habits. I listen to my song of the moment on the loop round and round only that song hundreds of times before I can’t bear to hear it anymore after. But inspiration is best when you are caught by the heartstrings and you just can’t shake it away.

“Relax (Take It Easy)” – Mika

Took a ride to the end of the line
Where no one ever goes.
Ended up on a broken train with nobody I know.
But the pain and the longing’s the same.
Where the dying
Now I’m lost and I’m screaming for help.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

It’s as if I’m scared.
It’s as if I’m terrified.
It’s as if I scared.
It’s as if I’m playing with fire.
Scared.
It’s as if I’m terrified.
Are you scared?
Are we playing with fire?

Relax
There is an answer to the darkest times.
It’s clear we don’t understand but the last thing on my mind
Is to leave you.
I believe that we’re in this together.
Don’t scream – there are so many roads left.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

(Relax)

It’s as if I’m scared.
It’s as if I’m terrified.
It’s as if I scared.
It’s as if I’m playing with fire.
Relax
It’s as if I’m terrified.
Are you scared?
Are we playing with fire?

Well I did take this picture to Annie (since my Taiwanese boy band 14 dollar dude left the hair place near my house, I am back to J Salon at FEP, I’m not sad but it’s expensive). Of course I look nothing like Mia Wasikowsa. Though Annie tried to make my hair like hers. The baseball caps are back in play of course. Styling is tough especially when I have no flair for it.

Sometimes I forget to count my blessings but when I am reminded of them, I embrace them full heartedly. A shoot with Xin bebe, brings so much laughter to my eyes as she charms everyone in the room including the hair and makeup that has the tendency to be slightly snide and catty. But everyone melts in putty when she’s around. A short scoot about Topshop where I put a new skirt of clubbing and work (the perks of the job) and stuffing our faces with pizza and pasta al fresco.

And a short e-mail that just brings me back to the days when we went to Chinese and Physics tuition together and me watching her piggy back her friend around the track.

‘You know what – I am really proud of you!! From seeing you write stories at school (with your colour pens and on scrapes of papers)…to you now at The Mag Hive, and now to your writing an article for me…I am really happy and proud of you!! (Think I am going to tear, seriously)’

I do love you so much Xin bebe from the bottom of my scroungy little heart.

Everytime I need to distract myself, I start to watch teevee and read fan fiction. Yes it’s very sick. Enveloping myself in a world that doesn’t exist. When all I need is actually sleep. But I escape into that world in which I believe that everything happens the way my mind wants it to. Pretty actors and actresses just come into play where they are my puppets.

The Laney asks why I don’t write my own fan fiction. No one to judge me, no one to tell me where I went wrong, no googling to find out how makeup causes rough skin. I could think of the most complicated plots in which the atypical happens, the things I want to happen in real life can unfold if I am just willing to type furiously.

On another note, it has finally ended. For those in the know, I believe that this is the very last time that I will mention him here and hopefully in my life. All along, I believed that karma exists and payback is sweet. But this had proved to be untrue. As the memories attempt to get washed out from my head, I know something. I will never forget the lessons that I learnt and the lies that I was fed. I lived with a facade for so many years to this day, I don’t know what was the truth. I will never find out. I will live with the hatred though it is just a waste of energy but this is my cross to bear. I was a fool. A fool to ever wonder about him.

There’s always a first. But many girls together, it’s an experiment.

The last time I had makeup on was when I just turned 18. Just thought you guys should know. Btw, Eric you rock! Loves.

Last night, I almost met that evil no good man that I will hate for the rest of my life. Not that there was any chance of actually meeting him because I know that he was going to be there and I just didn’t go anywhere like within the 5 km radius of that place. Simple. Xiu Ru asked what I would do if I saw him. Of course I would stab him with the plastic spoon that I was holding then and curse him to wherever he deserved. Xiu Ru said that I should just act normal and smile and whatever. Of course I would that if I ever saw him in real life. Actually knowing him, he would avoid me because that’s what he does. If I know anything about him, I know he is an escapist. I would like to feign amnesia so it’s as if he’s not important enough for me to even recall his existence. But alas, the forgetting your past shit only happens in movies and TV dramas.

That being said, after ranting for a night or two, I realise I have let it out of my system (for the time being). But god forbid he enters any part of my orbit. He wasn’t even worth a single second of my life.

* This is the first time I am blogging from my new desk.
* I really want to have an engagement party too! [Can't remember when I got 'engaged', the year that is, (tries to look sheepish)] Ok, I just want to have a Party, any excuse is good.
* Is really tired and needs sleep in the day but forgets it in the night when shamelessly reading Fan Fiction that teenagers who have alot of time write.
* Dit just killed a cockroach with her bare hands with just 2 layers of tissue for protection.